I know one of you is behind this. One of you caused this to happen. He who smelt it, dealt it – and we are dealing with an awfully smelly shit-cloud here.
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, one of the best games of a generation, and winner of a number of awards, should not be coming to the Nintendo Switch.
But before I tell you why, let me get just one thing straight. I don’t hate Skyrim. On the contrary, I’ve enjoyed it as much as any other mortal. Steam shows almost 200 hours of adventure, dragon-slaying, and house-making – and that’s a lot for me. I’ve spent days and days locked in the frozen wasteland of the north. I’ve written articles and made videos about the mods I’ve enjoyed. I’ve loved and treasured almost every minute I’ve spent in Skyrim.
And it’s for that reason that I implore you to not buy The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim on the Nintendo Switch. It’s time to let it die.
Did you think I had forgotten? Did you think I had forgiven?
Forgiven you for reading my blog, that is. You bastard.
An awful lot has happened in the last year – I’ve gone from simply posting more regularly on this blog – to starting a whole new website with a colleague – to actual Staff Writer-ship at an established member of the gaming press. What a year.
As you might be able to tell from the video I posted, I’ve been playing rather a lot of modded Skyrim recently. As you can probably tell from the video- you did watch the video right? You should, because it’s pretty ace. I talk about mods, climb a mountain, and fight trolls. I even die once, it’s an emotional rollercoaster. It won three Academy Awards, you know. From the director who brought you Dead Leg Bar Sex – Deus Ex: The Fall – Part 7, comes the blockbuster hit of the summer – starring Mark “Madness” Ja– have I pushed that joke far enough? Probably.
Modded Skyrim has become a real blast for me. I’ve installed completely rehauled texture packs, extra maps, follower tweaks, a shortcut through the mountains… it’s basically an entirely different game from the one I started back in 2011. But aside from the texture mods, I haven’t really had chance to experience most of the mods – much of the content is for later in the game, and I restarted to try and get the full experience.
But one mod has an impact right from the beginning. Frostfall. Frostfall turns a land that was no different from the temperate climate of Cyrodiil into a hellish wasteland where death is always waiting to catch out the unaware. Skyrim’s meant to be cold, and Frostfall’s hypothermia system feels like something the base game was really lacking.
First off, if you haven’t seen the trailer yet, here it is. Sit back, crank the volume up, and enjoy.
Wipe the drool away; it’s disgraceful. You’re meant to be grown up.
So it turns out that yes, you’ll be facing off against another Dragonborn in this coming DLC. And even better, he used to be a Dragon Priest. The normal Dragon Priests were enough of a pain to deal with, so having this guy thrown into the bargain sounds like a great reason to look over your Daedric armoured shoulder again.
But not only that (and what made me the most excited) was what we saw at 20 seconds into the video. That’s Morrowind. Yes. Morrowind. As of Elder Scrolls III fame. It looks like we’re finally going to get to go back there again after ten years and see what two hundred years in the face has done for the already alien-looking place.
With Morrowind comes the wildlife that only Morrowind can have. Houses made out of giant crab shells, Netches, giant mushroom trees, and at 1.03, what looks an awful lot like victims of Corprus. This is going to be only so much guff to those who haven’t played Morrowind, but it’ll help if you think of this as Skyrim‘s zombie DLC.
It’s not known how much of Morrowind has been mapped, or even if it’s Morrowind at all (dream sequences and small islands are abound in the Elder Scrolls world), but even if it isn’t Morrowind I’m sure I’ll find a way to cope. On the back of my dragon-mount. Whilst fighting goblins riding boars. In new armour, with new spells.