If Anyone Wants Me, I’ll Be Making My Own Socialist Dream

Finally, the other boot has dropped. The UK’s snap General Election is over. Thanks to Theresa May’s alliance with the far-right DUP group, it’s highly likely that the boot that dropped will be dropping on the throats of millions of the under-paid and under-privileged in the country.

What? You weren’t expecting talk about the UK’s general election? Tough – this IS a co.uk site after all (.com was too expensive).

The big surprise of the night was the exit poll, that predicted the Conservatives (Tories), being the largest party – but also falling short of an overall majority. Since the Tories were the political party that called the election, losing their majority counts as a pretty major loss for them. The Labour party also surged back, with an increased vote from younger, disenfranchised voters that secured them many previously Tory seats.

Tropico 5 funny

So while the Labour party has seen a resurgence of popularity, they still remain a minority party within the UK parliament. And while the dust hasn’t fully settled on what form the UK government will take – I’m still hankering for some true socialism. What better time to start playing Tropico 5?

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Video game sites give own audience a bad “Rapp”

These days, I only seem to post if I’m angry about something. My “buggery of the highest regard” tag is getting one hell of a workout of late, and mostly because there’s a lot to get angry about.

Nintendo staffer Alison Rapp has under a sustained smear campaign ever since she was accused of being behind the supposed censorship of Nintendo’s games. And because this is the Internet, this led to a bunch of fuckwits digging into her past, her university papers – and most shockingly of all – her Amazon wishlist in search of dirt to tarnish her name. And unfortunately, they succeeded. On Wednesday, Rapp announced her dismissal from Nintendo via Twitter.

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What I’ve been playing: Solitaire.

There are games that cause your processor to groan with pure pain. There are games that absorb you and refuse to let you go. Games that thrust you in to a living, breathing world like none you’ve ever seen before. life unfolds around you and the game makes you a hero, a wizard, a villain, an explorer of the vast expanses of space.

And then there’s Solitaire.

It’s a card game.

And I can’t seem to stop playing it.

I used to play Solitaire when I was a kid. I think most people did. Either with actual cards, or as one of the inbuilt games on Windows I used to sink hours into the game and I like to think I got pretty good at it. I wasn’t, since I only used to use the draw one rules, rather than the devilish draw three, but I still had fun.

And so, I decided to get a Solitaire game on my phone. What could be the harm? The little processor could handle it easily since I can now play the Pokémon games on it. It’d be a harmless distraction during times of boredom.

I’m reliably informed* that this is the way Satan works. Convince you that such a small and tiny thing can barely make a difference… and once you’ve let it in BAM – you lose days.

Solitaire certainly does. Almost every spare moment has been consumed by this horrific beast from below. Sometimes it’s gotten so bad that I see the board when I close my eyes. The compulsive little whore whispers ‘just one more… go on’ at 4am when I really need to sleep. Modern games boast about a playing experience that goes into the tens of hours, or an infinite number of quests, like Skyrim.

Well fuck those guys. Solitaire has a different playing experience every single time. And they say that every game can be solved. Bollocks. There are times that, with my bloodied and now useless stumps of fingers, even I am forced to admit defeat. And then the black seven, sitting atop a covered red eight, laughs at me across the virtual dimensions. It knows it’s won. But only this time.

You may think it’s just a seven. But all I see is a giant ‘FUCK YOU’.

And that’s the reason that I’ve managed to get my record time for completing a game down to one minute fifty seconds. Because I need  that sweet hit of numbers.

I thought World of Warcraft was the worst for heady number compulsion. Oh, but I was so, so wrong.

Someone, please help me.

*No I’m not.

It’s Solitaire. You have it. But if you’re really lazy, click here to play a game. Oh god, it’s automatically started a game! Noooooooo…